Being Reconciled in Christ
2008 Adult Lenten Series—Pohick Episcopal Church
The Reverend Donald D. Binder, PhD
Class Four: Reflection Questions

But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
—Matthew 18:16

1. In your experience, have you found times when the appropriate involvement of a reconciler (or reconcilers) has been helpful—and how so (see notes on back)?

 

 

 

 

 

If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
            —Matthew 18:17

2. In your experience, have you found times when the appropriate involvement of church leadership and/or disciplinary action has been helpful—and how so (see notes on back)?

 

 

 

Biblical Principles of Conflict Management

• Overarching principle
• Keep the circle of people involved in a conflict as small as possible for as long as possible.
• Step One: Overlook Minor Offenses
• If the other offended you in some minor way, it may be best to simply overlook (and inwardly forgive) the matter.
•  Step Two: Talk in Private
• If you have wronged another, it is your responsibility to go to that person and seek forgiveness.
• If another has wronged you in a way too serious to overlook, it is your responsibility to go to that person, gently but firmly make your feelings known, making every effort to resolve personal differences.
• Step Three: Take One or Two others Along
• If, after repeated attempts to settle the matter in private, serious matters can be resolved through the help of impartial mediators.

The Role of Reconcilers

• Overall Goal
• Help you and your opponent to make decisions to restore peace and find reconciliation.
• Promoting Communication Skills
• Reconcilers can facilitate listening and communication skills between the parties.
• Determine the Facts
• By asking incisive questions, reconcilers can help determine the basic facts underlying a dispute.
• Give Advice
• When asked by both parties, reconcilers can propose a solution or solutions to a deadlock.
• Serve as Arbitrators
• If agreed by both parties, the reconcilers can serve as binding arbitrators, whose decision in the dispute would be final.

Biblical Principles of Conflict Management (Cont’d)

• Step Four: Tell it to the Church (Church Accountability)
• This does not mean broadcasting the dispute to the entire congregation, as that is totally inconsistent with the intent of Matthew 18:15-17.
• In instances where both involved parties belong to a church, when previous attempts at reconciliation fail, church leaders may be consulted in order to further facilitate reconciliation.
• If the dispute concerns the violation of a moral principle, the church leadership’s judgment in the matter may pronounced authoritatively.
• Step Five: Treat the Individual as a Nonbeliever
• When all of the preceding steps have been followed and one or both of the parties refuses to abide by a moral ruling, disciplinary action may be taken by church leadership, again, always with the aim of promoting repentance and reconciliation.
• Purpose of this injunction:
•  Prevents God from being dishonored by one who professes to be a Christian.
• Other believers are prevented by being led astray by a bad example.
• Treating the person in this manner may help him or her to realize the seriousness of their offense.

When Going to Court is Appropriate

• The Position of Scripture
  • Scripture generally frowns on Christians bringing civil lawsuits against each other (1 Cor 6:1-11)
    
    
• Potential Justifications for Going to Court
  • The offense is serious, all attempts at reconciliation have failed, and the person (or persons) involved will not submit to binding arbitration.
  • A criminal offense is involved (e.g., abuse)
  • Taking a defensive position if you are sued.
• Benefits of Court intervention
  • The court has the power to make and enforce its judgments.
  • Most court decisions are subject to review.
• Disadvantages of Court Intervention
  • Expensive and time-consuming.
  • Tend to have a win-lose remedy.
  • Their oppositional nature inflames bitterness and anger.
  • Verdicts tend to deal with a problem’s symptoms rather than its underlying causes.