The Journey of Grief

Grieving well is a sign of health. Not grieving can make people vulnerable to diseases of body, mind, and spirit. All major religions and spiritual traditions address suffering, loss, and grief.

Grief is a response to love. To grieve is a gift because it means there has been love. Those who never grieve have never loved and have had nothing to lose.

The loss suffered may be of a person, a pet, a job, a dream, or a hope. It may be the changes of life transitions. Oddly enough in some people’s minds it is “good” events that lead to grief - the promotion at work, the birth of a baby, the fun of a holiday. Every change is both a loss and a gain, an opening and a closing.

There is no “normal” grief. Each person experiences what they experience. It is usually comforting to know that grief is not unique to one individual. Shock, numbness, isolation, and a yearning for the departed person are all common occurrences. Most persons experience some disorganization, despair, anger, sadness, anxiety, sorrow, or depression. The body may hurt, and there is often difficulty eating and sleeping. Resist putting a time table on grief or allowing others to do so.

A traumatic loss requires more time, more healing and, if necessary, specialized care. Often shock, fear, and anxiety are experienced. Disenfranchised or socially unacceptable grief requires more empathy and understanding. Guilt and shame may be present so gentleness is required.

Caring for the Self

• Eat well and stay hydrated, get rest and exercise.
• Honor the person and the love.
• Use spiritual resources. Know that God is close to the brokenhearted.

Supporting Others

• Be there. Stay in touch for the long haul of months and years.
• Listen.
• Empathize. Validate experience.
• Silent support is better than clichés.
• Mobilize those who need some sort of action.