"Pohick Church—Lent"

May on the Question of “Beneficial” Addictions:

Couldn’t some [addictions] be beneficial? What about a mother’s “addiction” to her children? A husband’s “attachment” to his wife . . . Might it not be constructive to be attractionally addicted to some of the good things in life and aversionally addicted to the bad? After all, aren’t there good habits as well as bad ones? . . .

Such questions bring us into one of the most difficult territories we must cross in our exploration of addiction and grace, for the answer is as unequivocal as it is unpleasant: no addiction is good; no attachment is beneficial. To be sure, some are more destructive than others; alcoholism cannot be compared with chocolate addiction in degrees of destructiveness; and fear of spiders pales in comparison to racial bigotry . . .

But if we accept that there are differences in the degree of tragedy imposed upon us by our addictions, we must also recognize what they have in common: they impede human freedom and diminish the human spirit . . .

It is surely good for parents to care for their children and for people to be kind to one another and to seek God. It would be wonderful if we could make a habit of such activities. But there is a vast difference between doing these things because we freely choose and doing them because we are compelled. In the first case, the motivation is love; in the second, slavery.

—Gerald May, Addiction & Grace, pp. 38-40.

Discussion Question

 Do you agree or disagree with May’s verdict on “beneficial addictions”? Why or why not?

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other wild animal that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God say, ‘You shall not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die.’” . . .

 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not die; for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” . . .

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate. . . .

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves.

They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.

But the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.”

He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” . . .

The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate.”

Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent tricked me, and I ate.” . . .

The LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, cursed are you among all animals and among all wild creatures; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life. I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will strike your head, and you will strike his heel.”

To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pangs in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” . . .

And to the man he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree about which I commanded you, 'You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field.

By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” …

And the LORD God made garments of skins for the man and for his wife, and clothed them.

Then the LORD God said, “See, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever.”

 Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from which he was taken. He drove out the man; and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim, and a sword flaming and turning to guard the way to the tree of life.
—Genesis 3:1-19, 21-24

Discussion Question

 In ways might the story of Adam and Eve’s fall relate to the ongoing struggle all human beings have with attachment and addiction?

May on Self-Image and Unitive Experiences

I am seduced and enticed by a certain image of myself as a whole, holy, loving man who is well on his way to becoming free from attachments. When this image comes up in my prayer, it causes me to pose and posture; I find myself trying to make my prayer fit my image of how a holy man would pray  . . .

I no longer really invite God into my prayer. It becomes an act, a scene I play out on my own stage for my own edification. God is there in spite of this silliness, but, for the time being, I am unaware of that saving fact . . .

So we become addicted to our own self-images. Our cellular representations of self habituate, adapt, and control us. In the course of homecoming, addictions to self-image also must be lightened; they must be relinquished in the cause of freedom. As I understand it, this is the neurological meaning of “losing oneself to find oneself” and “dying to be reborn.” . ..

Even more surprising and reassuring is the frequency with which our self-representations disappear from awareness entirely. In the brain, their disappearances are characterized by pauses in the normally hectic firing of self-defining systems, as if the cells all just happened to take a breath and rest for a while . . .

At these times, we appreciate their spaciousness and freedom. We experience wonder and awe and a kind of sacred remembrance of what our awareness was like when we were very young. These times of just being remind us of home. We call them “spiritual” or “unitive.”

—Gerald May, Addiction & Grace, pp. 100-101.

Discussion Question

 Can you relate to May’s description of being addicted to self-images, as well as his explanation of a unitive experience?